Saturday, March 10, 2012
It's my Life (Comparing Paragraph)
It is annoying that while you are drawing or writing, the lead of the pencil that you use suddenly breaks. Of course, you will sharpen it again especially if you don't have any pencils around. You can proceed to your work after sharpening it, and you will realize that the newly-sharpened pencil works better. The broken lead of the pencil represents my failures, and sharpening a pencil shows my learning from those failures. Furthermore, it also reflects that learning from my mistakes makes me a better person. Indeed, my life is correlated with the story of a pencil.
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You have a very interesting comparison of your life to a pencil. You're correct with the way you constructed your paragraph. It was very simple, yet the message of the story was conveyed well, and I understood it easily.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Jaymico that your paragraph is very simple yet clear. Sometimes, clarity is better than showing off by using deep English words that will just eventually confuse your readers.
ReplyDeleteYour paragraph could be an analogical paragraph too, Jason.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the comments above. I found your essay simple and clear.
ReplyDeleteNice. It is unusual to hear a comparison between two ideas like this one.
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